THE STORY THAT NEVER HAPPENED

There was never anyone here.

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Marc Nolan is apparently from the UK.

He used to be a proper bad-ass punk rocker & musician, chasing women and the next high. Since the age of 16, he's been to over 30 therapist, counselors and life coaches trying to seek an answer to his troubled childhood and trauma. But it never seemed to work for long. One day, out of the blue, he had a spiritual awakening that made a sharp turn in the trajectory of his life. 

He became a hard-core spiritual seeker. A vegan, a lover of yoga, meditation, Ramana, his guru, abstained from sex and alcohol, a do-gooder, a devotee of God and a purifier of ignorance.

And that's now seen to have been the same as the former alcoholic, porn-addicted Marc.

There is no difference.

It became yet another cage, yet another identity. It seemingly improved the character and made the character slightly happier, more functional in the eyes of society. But it was still a prison.

Then one day, unexpectedly, his mother passed away... One day the contraction went... One day, the me-sense vanished. And it was seen to have never been there in the first place. Past and future days vanished... It was just this. Everything was just this. That didn't mean immense pain and suffering didn't still arise. That too, is this. The lingering romanticism of it all... of the non-existent life of Marc... the deep desire to still be loved and held with care... was so painful... for no-one.

Anything can happen. Everything did happen. The conditioning of the apparent past came back full force. And then that too seemed to vanish. Appearing real and unreal. Immense light-heaviness. For an apparent moment, there seemed to be complete silence... for no-one. Total emptiness.

And yet life continues. 

No-one ever had a life, lived a life, was an alcoholic, woke-up, became a devotee, lost his mom, lost the 'me', became crazy in the eyes of society... Nothing ever really happened. And nothing is happening. 

Nothing was ever really lost because no-one really ever had anything to begin with. How hauntingly beautiful. How bittersweet... as Marc would say.

How utterly devastating.

Shockingly mesmerizing.

If the character Marc had to be described now, I would say that he's a sweet, kind and considerate no-body. He never wants to do harm. He is expressive, hilarious, quirky, creative, wild and free. He's gentle and soft yet still has a bit of cockiness and swag. There's an innocence to his madness.

It's a miracle that he survived his past... and yet no-one came through the other side to relish that. Because there was never another side, there was never anyone that needed to get anywhere. Movement apparently happened... yet it equally and mysteriously was always just this. There was never anything wrong. There was never anyone that needed to repent, forgive, heal or transcend. It never and always was already total and complete wholeness, without exception.

These are posts from no-one. These are writings from an apparent character that we can call Marc Nolan. 

He never really existed and he doesn't really exist. Yet, the play of life apparently appears to continue.

Seemingly... for no-one. 

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Written with love for no-one,

By no-one,

Suzanne

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